FUNNY, SILLY, AMUSING QUOTES, SAYINGS.

World has always had people thinking things in all the ways they can. About 70% of us think about a thing like how 70% of people think. The other 30% see things which the other 70% don't see, and they say that. Thats when a funny, amusing quote is born . And about 2% of those people happened to be famous guy and gals and when they said things, the entire world heard it. It comes up in the internet. These are some funny, amusing, silly quotes which i`ve read from the internet/books and really liked and which I read over n over and laughed over and over. i dont remember exactly who said what, but for those i remember i`ve mentioned the names. Read ahead..(not in a particular order.. Thanks for coming by:))

On a tombstone: "I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK

A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation

A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place. - Billy Crystal.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

WOODY ALLEN QUOTES
Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work…I want to achieve it through not dying.

On bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem. woo


JERRY SEINFELD QUOTES.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

You can measure distance by time. "How far away is it?" "Oh about 20 minutes." But it doesn't work the other way. "When do you get off work?" "Around 3 miles."

I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren't cows outside a lot of the time? When it's raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, "Let us in! We're all wearing leather! Open the door! We're going to ruin the whole outfit here!"

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."

STEVEN WRIGHT QUOTES.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure